The difference between us

I’m not like the other girls
I’m special
I say yes all the time, even when my heart says no
Then I plaster on a smile
So no one knows
And when it starts to hurt too much
I don’t tell you to stop
I don’t let those tears drop
I fake it– dying inside
And when I’m alone
I bite down on my tongue a little too hard
Maybe taste some blood
Cry a little too, and pray for some relief
But it never comes.

I’m not like other girls
My skin is flawless
Bright enough to hide all the scars underneath
And maybe I’m a tad too beautiful
A picturesque face
Distracting enough to conceal the perpetual sadness in my eyes
I’m not like the other girls–no
I’m broken beyond redemption
Sometimes I think about ending it all
And I find solace in the thoughts of how that would feel
I’m not like the other girls
My darkness knows no bounds
My pain limitless
It doesn’t show, but it exists
I like to act like it doesn’t
But I’m shattered into little pieces I like to call art.

I’m not like other girls
But I wish I was
With the problems most girls have
And their pain
Maybe if I was like other girls
I wouldn’t feel so alone all the time
Maybe I wouldn’t have to hide my true self
Behind bars and pretty rhymes
Maybe I’d hold on longer
And someone would finally understand.

Everyone wants to be special in some way
I know I’m not
There’s nothing special about being too tired to fight, even for yourself
Nothing special about lying, because you are too much of a coward to be honest
There’s nothing special about this kind of pain
It hurts enough to blind me to the good things
Just enough to drown me
Yet the fear of letting go lingers.

I’m not like other girls
I’m barely even a person

Just a shadow,
All my blood turned to art
Ages ago
But still, I walk and I breathe
In hopes that, someday when I find the courage to let go
There’ll be something to remember me by
And someday, somehow
I could feel alive, feel whole
Then I’d look for other girls like me
And we wouldn’t feel so alone.


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